I recently joined a Facebook group for women who are trying to be better versions of themselves.
“That’s me,” so I thought.
Turns out, we have a lot in common but it’s the end goal that was different between them and me. I want to better myself…for MYSELF. These women wanted to better themselves…TO ENTER HIGH SOCIETY.
Most people would describe these women as gold diggers.
I don’t consider myself a gold digger. In fact, I’ve been brought up as a 50/50 type of gal.
I considered leaving this Facebook group. But I’ve stayed and learned a new perspective into a world I knew little about.
Let me share what I learned.
Who Exactly Are Gold Diggers??
Gold diggers believe there are traditional and anthropological differences between men and women:
Men provide. Women nurture.
Gold diggers offer men their youth, beauty, undivided care, and devotion.
Men offer marriage and security for them and their future children.
There are successful and unsuccessful goal diggers.
Successful gold diggers are not low caliber, needy or insecure. Name drop and act snotty, or just tacky, and they’d be ousted fast and not get far. (It made for a hilarious movie called Pretty Woman, though. Ah I miss the 90s.) Instead, successful gold diggers are educated and work as professionals. And they’re usually already mingling with the upper crusts of society in some way.
Meghan Merkle would be considered a perfect member of this Facebook group. She was a self-made successful millionaire actress in her own right before she met Prince Harry. It’s believed she was already in his circle and had been to at least 8 parties that Harry also attended before being introduced to him.
Now, as doc wives, we’ve all encountered our share of people who say, “It must be nice to be married to a doctor.” They almost assuredly referring to the high attending income, as if that’s why we married them.
Here’s the thing:
Gold diggers and doc wives are different.
And here’s how.
How Doc Wives & Gold Diggers Are Different
Difference #1: Gold Digger Don’t Dig Doctors. They Dig Capital.
Gold diggers are well-studied in wealth generation and have the financial acumen to know that the average doctor is a laborer who works for every dollar they make. Once a doctor stops working, the money stops coming in.
That’s why they don’t dig doctors.
Instead, gold diggers want someone who is making money from C A P I T A L. This means money is coming in even while they sleep such as cash flowing from real estate and other businesses.
Gold diggers also know that doctors have to overcome some huge financial obstacles.
Here are some of them:
- They have student loans that are at least twice their annual salary.
- They are a decade late in retirement savings.
- They are taxed at a high rate.
- They have high insurance and liabilities.
- They are at high risk of burnout due to not having autonomy at work to decide their schedule or what procedures they have to do.
- They have low financial training on how to make more money, unless motivated to gain financial knowledge and business skills on their own.
- They have to￼ trade time for money. And there’s a cap on how much time you have, as we all have 24 hours in a day. (Which leads to the next…)
- They are always working and have little time and freedom.
Doc wives, on the other hand, are in it for richer or poorer (with poorer underlined and bolded).
- We inherit doctors’ six-figure student loans and spend many years making large payments to knock them out.
- Many of us (me included) are trying to help our DrSpouse reach fast FIRE (early financial independence) through frugality.
- We deal with getting sued for malpractice. Statistics say there’s an 80% chance a doctor will get sued at least once in their career, so it’s a matter of when.
Difference #2: Gold Diggers Want The Gold. Doc Wives Want GOALS.
Are doc wives just naive gold diggers who married disappointedly then? Or unsuccessful gold diggers who “settled” for a doctor?
I say no! Of the hundreds of stories I’ve heard about how medical couples met, I’ve never heard of a doc wife who used “doctor” as a keyword search in dating apps.
Instead, doc wives simply married the person of our dreams. We love their dreams, personalities, and values. That person just happened to wear a white coat.
(Here’s my personal story: I married a college student who was working part-time at Panera 😜 We were college sweethearts.)
On the other hand, gold diggers are strategic. They make conscious decisions on who they spend their time and energy. All their efforts in the relationship have to pay off in dividends for them.
Difference #3: Gold Diggers Want An Easy Life. Doc Wives Work With Our DrSpouses To BUILD A Life.
The last way that doc wives are different from gold diggers is that we are highly involved in working towards a life together. A doc wife friend of mine joked that being married to a doctor is like “Build A Bear,” except it’s “Build A Doctor.” 😜
Our DrSpouses have to work hard, take boards, get re-accredited, and stay sharp in their field. That means we have to handle a lot at home in their absence. And it’s a heavy load to carry.
Here are some examples of sacrifices in a medical marriage:
- My writer and friend Cat Alford had to drive her five-week-old NICU twins for five hours to move to a new state to join her husband who had to start his job.
- Another friend gave birth in the hospital while her husband was working in that same hospital, just on a different floor. He missed the birth.
- My friend Anne Marie of Surgical Wife Life has had to get up dangerously on a stool to change lightbulbs because if she waited for her husband, she’d be living in the dark.
- I recently dug my husband’s car out of the snow last winter so he could get some more precious sleep before going into work.
And those examples are just the tip of the iceberg of the unaccounted and unrecognized daily sacrifices in our family lives.
I’m sure YOU have stories of your own I would love to hear!
Medical Life Is Still A Good Life
So far, I’ve been saying how medical life is tough.
It is. But life IS still good, even during the tunnels of training. That’s why I always say #itsgoodnow.
When finally finished with training, the average attending salary is more than twice as much as the average American household that makes $57,000 a year. This means a medical family can expect some nice things and great experiences — but not all of them at the same time. For example, doc wives don’t have a full-time staff, butler, or maid. But many of us have (or plan to get) cleaning ladies. Not every household has the ability to hire help. It’s a treat we’re grateful to have.
Gold Digging Life Isn’t As Glittery as the Ritz-Carlton
Likewise, gold diggers don’t have dreamy lives, either.
They deal with the issues that plague rich people. These include stress from negative attention in the media and concern for their kids’ safety and privacy. (Think Princess Diana.)
I have a super high net worth friend who is afraid of her kids’ safety at the bus stop. A competitor of their businesses could harass them at their bus stop and cause them mental stress.
Gold diggers also have to upkeep their looks. They believe that women should look young and beautiful to elevate their men, so they put a lot of energy into this. This means regular hair blowouts, perfect grooming, fillers, and cosmetic work. That can be a pain in the butt.
So they may have a jet-set life. But they still have their sacrifices, just different from the kind that doc wives have to make.
There Are Always Exceptions
I’ve been speaking in huge generalities. You can point to exceptions here and there as there are exceptions to everything.
- There’s MacKenzie Bezos who married Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos before he became the richest man in the world and they built an empire from scratch.
- And there’s a few on the cast of The Real Wives of Beverly Hills who married eight-figure plastic surgeons for money.
(And all you doc wives who were banking on those kickbacks from big pharma, I know you were totally looking to get rich LOL 🤣 I joke…)
There are three keys differences between gold diggers and doc wives:
- Gold Digger don’t dig doctors. They dig capital.
- Gold diggers want the gold. Doc wives want GOALS.
- Gold diggers want an easy life. Doc wives work with our DrSpouses to BUILD a life.
Hopefully, I have dispelled some stereotypes of gold diggers and doc wives.
While there are differences between gold diggers and doc wives, I respect all women and all goals. I believe true feminism is about supporting all women, not just those who are like ourselves.
I’m a hugger. I’m hugging and supporting ALL women ❤️
To ALL strong families,