Each time you go through the Match, you are required to “report” to the program where your DrSpouse has to train for the next few years.
And so you uproot everybody. Sometimes once, twice, or multiple times. And it’s very hard.
For each move a family makes, you have to figure out the nearest grocery store. You lose hard-earned friends. You have to find a new job.
One sweet doc wife moved her family over 40 times and told her story to me on this blog!
Read her story: I Moved Over 40 Times For My Dr Spouse (Note: They are a medical military family who has to move every few weeks so it’s NOT the usual situation.)
Throughout the process of moving, you meet new people and go through the polite cadence of getting to know new people all over again. And hopefully, just hopefully, you become friends 🤞🏻
We all know a magnetic person who attracts everybody. When they walk into the room, the crowd splits like the Red Sea, the spotlight is on them, and they make everybody feel like they’re the most special person in the room.
I always wanted to be that magnetic. I wish I was a comedian, charismatic, witty, and a phenomenal storyteller so I could attract more people — and be liked.
But I’m the weird person who says “bye” and things become so awkward once I find out they’re exiting the same direction as me! (And I don’t know what to do…say “oh hi again”?! LOL)
We all want to be liked.
But I’ve learned after having had to make many new friends over the years, being funny, charismatic, witty, and a great storyteller are NOT required to be magnetic.
Here are some tips that will help you be magnetic, make good first impressions, and develop friendships wherever you live.
1. Make Other People Talk About Themselves
Dale Carnegie’s advice in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People was genius in 1936 when it was published. It’s still genius now.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
People LOVE to be heard.
Try asking three questions in a row, actively listening, and hardly talking about yourself unless you’re asked.
2. Have Sticky Eye Contact
Studies show that when you look at another person when they’re listening, they feel more connected on a conscious and subconscious level.
A tip is to try to figure out what color eyes your friend has. It helps make your eyes “stick” to the other person longer than usual.
3. Introduce Yourself Simply
You want your introduction to be so easy to remember that anyone will still remember you the next day.
If you introduce yourself like:
“My name is X, my husband is X. He’s doing residency at X. We moved to X for med school, then to X for residency, then took a break in between and stayed for a while before fellowship, then moved to X. I’m originally from X, though…”
…Girl, we lost you 😀
The funny thing is, people rather not connect with you than to feel embarrassed asking you to repeat yourself.
Introduce yourself simply so you can be memorable.
4. Say Their Name
From babyhood, everybody has been ingrained to pay attention when their name is called.
Mention her name in conversation here and there like:
“What part of town do you live in, Sarah?”
5. Always Say Good Things About People
There’s a well-known phenomenon in psychology called the reciprocity principle: people like people who like them.
If you let somebody know you admire them, they feel validated, important and good about themselves, and likewise feel good about you, too.
Compliment people often. Do it even behind their back because it will get back to them somehow.
6. Be Vulnerable And Admit To Having Made Mistakes Or Negative Feelings
Have you noticed how leaders who admit to mistakes or trip on themselves before giving a speech get a lot of approval ratings?
People LOVE people who aren’t perfect.
Being able to connect depends on whether the other person feels like they can relate to you. If you feel genuine and human, people will put down their guard and feel closer to you.
Consider basketball player LeBron who came out saying he struggles with depression. Of all people, you wouldn’t think a superhuman rockstar athlete (whose fingernails a stalker would collect) would have this issue, but he does — as do millions of others. Instead of that being a turnoff, he became even more popular.
7. Flat Out Say To the Other Person You Like Them
In addition to complimenting, flat out just say you like them. Try coming out and saying, “I like you” or “I really connect with you.”
Sometimes saying “I like you” is hard because you fear rejection.
“What if they don’t reciprocate the same feelings, Theresa?”
First, I highly doubt it.
But even IF they don’t (a big fat IF), their opinion of you can only get better, not worse. What’s there to lose?
8. Mention Any Similarities
We’re social creatures by evolution. We create circles based on similarities. If you pick up on any similarities between you and others, mention that.
It could be that:
- You have kids of similar ages
- You’re wearing the same shirt
- You watch the same shows
- You drive the same make of car
- Your college roommate grew up in their hometown
For instance, if you ordered the same drink, flat out say, “Oh, we are having the same drink!”
The more you have in common, the more reasons you give to connect with the other person.
- Make other people talk about themselves
- Have eye contact
- Introduce yourself simply
- Say their name
- Always say good things about people
- Be vulnerable and admit to having made mistakes or having negative feelings
- Flat out say to the other person you like them
- Mention any similarities
Be real, be genuine, be you, be interested in others, and ask a lot of questions.
And you will be magnetic.
I’m a hugger. I’m hugging and supporting you, friend ❤️
To your strong medical family,
How did you find your closest friends? Did you hit it off immediately? Is it hard for you to find friends?