Like all couples in the history of humankind, you have had your fair share of fights in your marriage. It doesn’t mean you are not a SUCCESSFUL couple, though. In fact, you WANT to have some disagreements because it means you are working and building together. Not fighting at all could be a sign of being totally indifferent and giving up, which is worse.
But there is such a thing as a bad way to disagree.
I discuss some toxic habits when arguing you must avoid so you can have a stronger marriage.
3 Toxic Habits To Stop When Arguing With Your Dr Spouse
1. You’re Focused On The Person, Not The Problem
Sometimes you are so angry, you just want to call out your DrSpouse and basically Insult or assassinate their character (aka ad hominem). That’s not a good way to solve conflicts.
What you want is solutions, not to chastise. So instead of saying:
“We’re broke because you keep spending money!” 🚫
Try this instead:
“When you spend more than our budget, you aren’t following our plan. Do we need to make a more realistic budget?” ✔️
2. You Don’t Fight Fair
These are unfair ways to fight:
- Rolling your eyes
- Using sarcastic or passive-aggressive language
- Overgeneralizing with “always” and “never”
- Stonewalling (aka claming up or giving the silent treatment)
- Stockpiling past mistakes
Like the canary birds that indicate there’s not enough oxygen in the mine, the more of these you do, the more toxic your relationship. Avoid these bad tactics!
3. You Get Super Defensive
When you feel like you’re being attacked and want to deny everything they said is true, ask yourself, “What is their intention?” Get clarifications and hear them out — without interrupting.
Ask them this:
“What makes you say that?”
Your calmness helps them stay open and honest with you. And it helps you pause and listen instead of immediately resorting to self-defense. If their answer shows that they have GOOD INTENTIONS, try to work on the solution together rather than see it as an attack.
As a loving couple, you’re bound to argue from time to time. It’s normal and healthy. But it shouldn’t be hurtful or disrespectful toward one another.
Avoid these toxic habits and learn some good conflict management skills, which will make your marriage stronger.
I’m a hugger. I’m hugging and supporting you, friend ❤️
To your strong medical family,