Like all couples in the history of humankind, you have had your fair share of fights in your marriage.
It doesn’t mean you are not a SUCCESSFUL couple, though.
In fact, not fighting at all could be a sign of being totally indifferent and giving up, which is worse.
Fighting is totally normal. You’re two unique and independent human beings with free will and it’s not mathematically possible to be 100% in total agreement at all times.
In fact, you WANT to have some disagreements because it means you are working and building together.
But there is such a thing as a wrong way to disagree.
To avoid the wrong way, you have to have conflict management skills. If you didn’t learn them from your family of origin, you can learn them now for your own for your family.
I discuss some toxic habits when arguing you must avoid so you can have a stronger marriage and have a happier life.
3 Toxic Habits To Stop When Arguing With Your Dr Spouse
1. You’re Focused On The Person, Not The Problem
Sometimes you are so angry, you just want to call out your DrSpouse and make them feel bad.
That’s not a good way to solve conflicts. What you want is solutions, not to chastise.
Sometimes you want to say:
“We’re broke because you keep spending money!” 🚫
Say this instead:
“When you spend more than our budget, you aren’t following our plan. Do we need to make a more realistic budget?” ✔️
2. You Don’t Fight Fair
There are some bad fighting tactics. Avoid these at all costs:
- Stockpiling past mistakes 🚫
- Rolling your eyes 🚫
- Using sarcastic or passive aggressive language 🚫
- Inssulting or assassinating their character 🚫
- Overgeneralizing with “always” and “never” 🚫
- Claming up and giving the silent treatment 🚫
These are like the canary bird in the cave. The more you do these, the less healthy your marriage.
A good way to deal with you feel you want to resort to any of these is to call “time out.” But then say you’re not going anywhere and just need a few minutes to calm down before you can discuss it again ✔️
3. You Get Super Defensive
When you feel like you’re being attacked, ask yourself, “What is their intention?” Get clarifications and hear them out — without interrupting. Ask them this:
You: “What makes you say that?” ✔️
If they have GOOD INTENTIONS, try not to automatically try to defend yourself. Doing so will make them less open and honest with you in the future.
By listening better, you’ll have a much better chance at working towards a solution.
As a loving couple, you’re bound to argue from time to time. It’s normal and healthy. But it shouldn’t be hurtful or disrespectful toward one another.
Avoid these toxic habits and learn some good conflict management skills, which will make your marriage stronger and happier.
I’m hugging and supporting you, friend ❤️
To strong medical families,